bffs (that's a threat) <3

As graduation inches closer for many of us, a topic that has consistently been on my mind is friendship. College gave me my first real friends, past schoolyard gossip, and hair braiding buddies (don't worry, I still do both of those things; I'm not a boring monster). And as much as I value every friendship experience I've had during my life, the trauma bond of freshman year is inmeasurable. Every fiber of my being wants to spend the rest of my life deepening the relationships I've been given my last four years, seeing as these women have literally saved my life countless times.

What if we drift apart? What if we move hundreds or thousands of miles away from each other? What if our spouses don't become besties? What if we don't move into matching mansions with a pool and secret tunnels connecting them?? All of these what-ifs have paralyzed me when it comes to decision-making because what if I make a decision that changes my friendships forever?

We all have so many goals and dreams for our lives, and for the first time, we really can do whatever we want (except the mansion thing, not in this economy). There is no roadblock of needing to get a degree or an internship or needing to get our reps in for volleyball (we'll get to that lore, don't worry). I am not sure if this is a me thing or a human thing, but I am so terrified of change that I honestly don't really want the future to happen. Not that I want to stay forever 22, but I know that as much as I try and soak up every moment in my tiny apartment with my best friends and I being clueless together, we will never get to relive this. This exact moment, as I sit on our broken couch listening to my daylist on Spotify with my cat running around with the post-shit zoomies, I want to remember this feeling forever. The sereneness of not knowing exactly what is going to become of me in the next 3 months, but perfectly content in right now.

What if the next chapter of our lives brings amazing, supportive, funny, caring relationships, too? What if the big kid job is actually really fun, and we're excited to be there every day? What if the next apartment we live in is beautiful, smells nice, and has a pool we can photosynthesize by every day in the summer? Every time I have my daily spiral about the future, I trick myself into getting excited instead of petrified. How lucky are we that we have no idea what's next? How privileged am I that I get to apply for jobs and actually be qualified for them? How exciting that we know that no matter where we end up, we have people around the country who love and care about us and are rooting for us no matter what.

What if... everything that is meant to happen will happen?

Xoxo

MB